Tuesday Again

    

Tuesday Again

     I am supposed to go to school today so I guess that I will. I really don’t want to; I am so worried. I am taking my meds but I don’t feel like eating and my head hurts so I guess that I feel sick but I’m not really sick. The police came and asked Dad if Mama had any friends or associates in Red Deer. I don’t know why they would ask that. Also they asked some other stuff about credit cards and money and how their relationship was. Any stressors in the marriage. I am not sure about that but they sure did have a fight. I remember that’s what Dad said. I was not supposed to be listening but I could hear them talk when I was in my room. It did not sound good! The policeman smiled at me when I came into the room but his smile was big and quick and then gone so I'm not sure what to think about that. 

     Red was bugging me to take her for a walk so I did.  The woods behind the house were really calm and peaceful. I like that. I have a lot on my mind though and it's hard to look around when you need to think. The leaves on the trees were rustling with the breeze and birds were everywhere, chirping and flying around. The blackberries were perfect and ripe and Red and I spent some time eating them. I get the ones higher up and Red gets the low ones. The chickadees were hanging around and I made sure that the bird feeder was filled up. Mama usually always did that. Also I noticed that the hummingbird feeders were empty and so I filled them up too. I wasn't sure of the recipe but I looked it up on Google and it said four parts water and one part sugar. I was pretty sure that if I used the same container I could fill it up once with sugar and four times with water. Then stir it all together and pour it in the feeders. So that's what I did. It makes me feel better to do the things that Mama would do if she were home

     Then later I asked Dad to drop me off at school. I am going to check out the hospital which is right across the street. I can use my bus pass to look around town. Just because you have an intellectual disability doesn't mean you're dumb. Or useless. 

     School was the same as usual. Pretty terrible. I could not stop thinking about Mama and where she was. I couldn't focus at all and so Ms. Bay was mad at me. I have to pull myself together though which is a thing that Dad always says. It means use all of you and all your best qualities to figure something out. Someone like my cousin Jordan who was so, so smart would have an easier time thinking about stuff because he had a lot more brain power than me. But that doesn't mean that I can’t solve problems. My mother told me that even though some of my brain didn’t work the same way as other people’s brains, I could still figure things out if I used all of me to work at it. And that is what I am going to do.

     The hospital was pretty much the way I remember it from the last time I was there. I had a seizure at school and because I hit my head they said that Mama should take me right over to the hospital. Anyway the ambulance took me over there and Mama and I were there for a while. Everyone was really nice but I just hate being there because of needles and having blood tests and stuff so I don’t love hospitals. Plus since COVID happened hospitals are a lot scarier with everyone wearing masks and gloves and gowns. It’s hard to tell who is sick and who isn't. Also who works there and who doesn't. So I didn't hang around for long. It turns out that hospitals are not great places to be unless you really need one. And today I don’t!

    To try and feel better I am going to read the story Mama wrote for me when I was little to help me and my friends understand about my learning difference. It's called “Miss Understood.” It goes like this: 

Harley is misunderstood. Some of the kids that Harley goes to school with say unkind things to her. 

“You ask too many questions. Why do you ask so many questions? You’re stupid! Mind your own business. Why are you so dumb? You stand too close to me. Why do you stand so close to me? Get away from me. You talk too much. Why do you talk so much? Shut up! Why don't you shut up?You say weird things. Why are you so weird? Dummy!”

One day Harley heard about a speech contest. She thought, “ This is something that I would be good at. All you need is your brain to think, your mouth to talk, your memory to remember and your face to smile. These are things that I can do!

She also thought, “ Maybe if I did a great job with my speech the other kids would see that I am smart and not call me dummy anymore.”

Harley did her speech.

Harley talked about exceptional learners. Harley talked about people whose brains were wired differently. She talked about Nonverbal Learning Disorder, Asperger's, Autism, Attention Deficit Disorder and other learning differences. She explained that it was hard to be treated badly because of things that she couldn’t help. We are all different in little ways that sometimes don't show. Harley was different in a big way that didn't show. She talked about learning and communication. And she told them that there are a lot of kids like her. And a lot of those kids are really sad when other kids say rude things to them. So Harley needed others to try and accept her. She needed others to try and understand.

And then something happened.

People started to clap. Kids were clapping too. People liked her speech. They stood up and clapped some more. They understood what she said.

She was understood.

She was Miss Understood.