Sunday Again

     

Sunday Again

     Dad just told me that Mama was supposed to be home last night and that he is not sure what to do. He looks worried and is using the phone a lot. He asked me how I was doing and I told him that I was okay but I am not. I know that if Mama was okay that she would be home here with us. She would have missed me as much as I missed her and would want to see me. I know it! I told Dad that we should call the police. He is going to call a friend of his to see what he says. He is in the RCMP. He will know what to do. I am going to feed the chickens and take Red for a walk and pray. I don’t know what else to do.

After a while I started to bounce the basketball against Dad’s shop wall and he came out and told me to stop. I didn’t want to stop but something told me that I better stop so I did. One thing that Mama and Dad but mostly Mama was trying to help me with was something called perseverating. It's something that I do and you would think that it is a good thing because it has the word “ persevere” in it but it’s not. Usually it's to do with me talking about something that I have lost or concentrating on negative things that are going on instead of positive ones. Sometimes it's not easy for me to shut it down. Grandma always said that too much of a good thing is a bad thing and she was right. Sometimes I get stuck on one thing too much and NTs don't like that. Dad says that it drives them crazy which has nothing to do with driving but a lot to do with people getting impatient and then acting rude. So when my mother puts up one hand and says nothing then I know that I’m doing it again and need to stop. Except without her here I don’t know. Speaking of Grandma, I sure miss her. She was one in a million as Dad would say.
     The chickens were fine. I got the eggs but I dropped two of them because I wasn't focussing. Then I tripped over a shovel and scraped my knee on the driveway. I was going to ride my special bike which is a tricycle for adults but my knee was too sore so Red and I just drank some water and sat outside. Dad asked me if I had eaten today and I hadn't so I told him no. That was a mistake. He told me that we had to keep healthy for Mama’s sake so I better make a peanut butter and honey sandwich or something. I am too worried to eat but I made him one with honey from our bees. 
     I started thinking that maybe if I found the letter that Mama left for me, some of the things I don’t know might be known. I think people call it “filling in the blanks”. I usually fill in those spaces with bad or sad things but this time I don’t want to do that. I have faith that my prayers will be answered; everything will be alright. My mother’s favourite singer says that: everything is going to be alright. I want to believe that. Please Jesus help me believe that. So I am going to go where all things that Dad has lost start out: in his truck. Wish me luck.
     So I didn't find anything that was helpful except an old valentine that Mama had given Dad a long time ago and a picture of the two of them from back when people had photographs printed and not just Instamatic photos. It was of Mama and Dad and it was taken on their honeymoon in Hawaii, before me, before all the other babies that didn't make it, before everything that was hard and sad and something that no one wanted to talk about. The valentine was pretty beat up and falling apart but it talked about Dad’s smile and how the whole world was lit up by it. Nice, eh?